Where Did The Years Go?

Today, I watched my two sons walk across the stage and receive their High School Diplomas. Up until that very moment, it had not hit me. That 18 years had passed since Casey had come into our lives as a little peanut that I held on my shoulder and rocked and rocked to sleep. And at that moment, it hit me that it's been 11 years since Cody, and his sister became our son and daughter. How I can remember oh so well those little faces, hands and feet. It was at that moment that I realized how much I missed those precious little guys running up to my truck when I'd pull in the driveway from work - so eager to tell me what they had been up to during the day, and to ask if I'd play with them. At the time, it didn't seem all that important - routine. But as I watched each of them, in turn walk across that stage - first Cody and then Casey, for that brief moment, all of those scenes raced in front of my eyes. It hit me then that I'll never have those moments again, and how I wish I'd have taken advantage of more of those opportunities.

These two boys have been so easy to raise. They've demanded so little and found ways to be content with whatever they had. Casey tended to be more like me in terms of emotional make up - having is occasional melt down. Cody has always been the poster boy for "whatever comes, just deal with it". Almost to my envy at times. Don't get me wrong - they've both had their challenging moments like we all had for our parents when we were growing up. But there is just something about these two that is different. I believe it's their mother that makes that difference. Either that or the milk man, because I know it's not been me.

OK - I know I'm not the only dad to be hit like this at this moment in life. I suppose all of us feel that we've been terribly inadequate as fathers. I think of all the times I did not stop what I was doing (it was far too important, you know) to give a few moments of undivided attention - moments that you now realize made absolutely no difference to whatever it was you were doing at the time, but make all the difference now - at least to me in my mind.

Casey and Cody - I love you guys. And I am so very, very proud of you. How well you've turned out despite my lack of attention at times. I know all the dad's reading this must feel the same way. I think it's a brotherhood - but for this minute, I feel all alone. Time will fix that - I hope. I do know this. I can't wait to stop what I'm doing when a little guy runs up to me and says, "Grandpa - will you play with me?"