Today, I watched my two sons walk across the stage and receive their High School Diplomas. Up until that very moment, it had not hit me. That 18 years had passed since Casey had come into our lives as a little peanut that I held on my shoulder and rocked and rocked to sleep. And at that moment, it hit me that it's been 11 years since Cody, and his sister became our son and daughter. How I can remember oh so well those little faces, hands and feet. It was at that moment that I realized how much I missed those precious little guys running up to my truck when I'd pull in the driveway from work - so eager to tell me what they had been up to during the day, and to ask if I'd play with them. At the time, it didn't seem all that important - routine. But as I watched each of them, in turn walk across that stage - first Cody and then Casey, for that brief moment, all of those scenes raced in front of my eyes. It hit me then that I'll never have those moments again, and how I wish I'd have taken advantage of more of those opportunities.

These two boys have been so easy to raise. They've demanded so little and found ways to be content with whatever they had. Casey tended to be more like me in terms of emotional make up - having is occasional melt down. Cody has always been the poster boy for "whatever comes, just deal with it". Almost to my envy at times. Don't get me wrong - they've both had their challenging moments like we all had for our parents when we were growing up. But there is just something about these two that is different. I believe it's their mother that makes that difference. Either that or the milk man, because I know it's not been me.

OK - I know I'm not the only dad to be hit like this at this moment in life. I suppose all of us feel that we've been terribly inadequate as fathers. I think of all the times I did not stop what I was doing (it was far too important, you know) to give a few moments of undivided attention - moments that you now realize made absolutely no difference to whatever it was you were doing at the time, but make all the difference now - at least to me in my mind.

Casey and Cody - I love you guys. And I am so very, very proud of you. How well you've turned out despite my lack of attention at times. I know all the dad's reading this must feel the same way. I think it's a brotherhood - but for this minute, I feel all alone. Time will fix that - I hope. I do know this. I can't wait to stop what I'm doing when a little guy runs up to me and says, "Grandpa - will you play with me?"

Being a web programmer, I spend a LOT of time in a seat, at a desk, inside a building. Now understand, I have, by most standards, HUGE windows in my office. I am right on the ground floor and it's just a few short steps, and voila - I'm outside. But, as most programmers will relate - you get in the "zone" on a project - and when you do, you put your head down and boom, six hours have passed. You would not even realize that, except that your bladder is screaming at you or your stomach is growling so loud you can't hear the strokes on the keyboard anymore. The worst part of that kind of thing for me is that I get burned out. I've learned to recognize that, at that point, I either take a few days off, or I spend the next few days or weeks just spinning my wheels, until I DO take a few days off. Last week, I hit that wall. So I put in the last three days of this week off. I was out and about on Wed. It was "OK", but it was a rainy, overcast, blustery day. But Thursday - aaahhh - Thursday. I was out all day with a friend, and I have to say that I experienced feelings and emotions that I had not experienced in many years. It was mid 70's with the sun popping in and out from behind fluffy white cotton ball clouds and an ever so gentle breeze. Many times, during the day, I relived little emotions and senses I remember experiencing as a kid. You know, those long, lazy days where you mom locked you outside for what seemed like an eternity to a kid . . . It's amazing how different my perception of time is now that I'm most likely over half way through my life from when I was a kid. What seemed to be dragging hours as a kid is just a few moments now. (Anyway - sorry I digressed). But the point is, I felt as though I was actually coming back to life yesterday. Just those few fleeting hours of God's beauty did it for me. I have no intention of making that my last day. I was out and about all day again today, but it can't compare to the experience yesterday as I experienced this for the first time in a LONG time! Man, it feels good to come back to life again!

For many years in my life, both private and professional, I was a very organized person. I used to work as a field accountant and manager for a very large international construction company. I was always commended for returning the records of a completed project in extremely good order. My home (garage, office, etc) were kept in very good order. Then a funny thing happened. Two or three moves, three kids and a career change. For the past fourteen years, I've been a very dis-organized person. When I started programming for a living (day and night . . .) I quit being organized. This was aided by the event of moving into this home. We moved in on a cold November day, and by the time the last truck was unloaded, everyone was cold and tired, and stuff was just dumped into the basement and garage. So, for the past fourteen years, my garage, my basement and my office have been total chaos (and at times, not even organized chaos).

This year, I vowed to change all that. And you know what? I'm actually doing it. I've gone back to being the one to pay the bills. So I have them organized. Bank statements, incoming bills, paid bills, you name it - it's where it should be! Last Saturday, I spent the whole day in my garage. My two sons helped me empty it. We all drug everything out, and they helped me sweep it out. At that point, I turned them loose (to work on their Senior English paper - the BIG one) and I worked for over six hours just organizing. I finally mounted the electric grinder my father-in-law got me for Christmas so many years ago I can't remember when it was. It's a very nice grinder. Also, for the very first time, my work bench is actually usable! Even my daughter noticed it, and said how much she likes it! There is actually room to get in and out of and AROUND our Expedition in the garage. With room to spare! Oh my!!!

I know that for some of you, this is no big thing. You are always organized - like I used to be many moons ago. Well, move over. There is going to be one more of us in that arena. Well, that is if I can ever find time to get to my basement . . . .

Have you ever seen a trillion dollars? OK - let's say this little zero "0" is $1. I am now going to put a trillion dollars on this page. Here we go . . .

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000 . . . Just Kidding . . .

Really though. I just saw today where they say the deficit will be $9 trillion in 10 years! Let's do the math. There are roughly 6.75 billion people on the face of the earth. We have roughly 375 million of them here in good ole US of A. That's roughly 1/2 of one percent of the world population. There are currently about 116 million households with a mean income (that means half above and half below) of $50,000. So, with 116 million households earring income, the bill for each household for the deficit will be about $77,800. Great, where do you want me to send the check? I don't know about you, but that's more than I paid for my house (I live way out in the country), more than the value of all the vehicles I've ever owned, combined, and way more than over half of the households in the country earn in a year. How may years of income taxes does it take for you to pay (that's money you don't get back in any given year) that much? I've never come close to that amount with everything I've ever paid! And where is this money coming from? Let's see, the Chineese and Saudi's own most of the real estate in the nation already, so we can't mortgage that. Hummm, since we can't sell the buildings, how about the National Parks and Forests! Sure, sell the good old US of A herself! Why not? It's not worth much if you can't afford to live on her, right?

If anything is true, it's that Americans are resilient. Look how fast we bounced back after Perl Harbor and 911. Like the Toby Keith song, "this big dog will fight if you rattle it's cage". The will of the people in the heartland is much greater than the collective idiot of the Republicans and Democrats and few Independents in Washington, D.C. Like Hank Jr. sings, "a country boy will survive!" This nation can survive. We all need to wake up and stand up for what is right. The silent majority has found it easier to be silent for way too long. Now, we've gotten what we've not asked for, and not spoken out against. The recent "Tea Parties" in some of our cities is very symbolic of what I am talking about. They may seem futile and a bit silly at first, but I hope they are the start of a collective awakening of this nation, to what is right, and just and necessary. And that we will all remember that freedom comes with both responsibility and a price. The price has been paid - the lives of thousands of our bravest. We must honor the price they paid by holding up our end - the responsibility end. It's time to wake up Americans! Let's take back our nation, our economy and the way of life our fathers and brothers and sisters have given their lives for! Let's make this nation great once again! It's not too late. It may be painful and it may get a lot scarier before it's through. But it's not too late and we can do this! Be strong, and do the right thing!

While I've never considered myself to be a dinosaur, I do believe that if I am not careful, I am in danger of becoming one. You know what I mean - someone who is skill-set, paradigm, mind-set, technologically, or otherwise locked into a time that is quickly fading into history. The rapid advance of web technologies can render one a dinosaur in a blink of an eye. I know. I work with one (or more). It is so frustrating to have to explain and justify using technologies that, in the era in which they are locked, were so bleeding edge that you didn't dare use them. However, now, if they are not commonplace, are in many cases yesterday's methods. I believe it has to be as equally frustrating for them, to be scared to death of video, cascading style sheets and DHTML and heaven forbid Ajax, Flex, Flash and the like. But if I'm honest with myself, I see that what I'm doing with Ajax, DHTML and such are quickly falling laps behind the leaders. One thing I see that I believe protects me from becoming a fossil, if not a dinosaur, is that I at least am knowledgeable of these new technologies, what they do, how they do it and their place in today's web world. But true dinosaurs haven't got a clue how far they are behind. I sit in meetings with those who vehemently resist the use of Flash on a home page, page widths, beyond 540 pixels and have a massive stroke at the mention of video. It really makes me wonder why they still want to work in this environment when they are so very far behind the curve. And the sad fact is, the technologies are changing at an ever increasing rate. It's like a few years ago. The vehicles I drove were either current generation or maybe one body style change away. Nowadays, I see that the vehicles I drive are sometimes three or four generations behind. Today, it would be very easy to fall two or three generations behind in the technologies and methods I am using. It's a bad time to drift into the "dinosaur" mode. Once there, you are almost hopeless. I've not built a Flex application. But I sure know what Flex is, what it does, and know that I want to do things with it, things that would be very valuable to the mission of the department I am in. I'm not a dinosaur - I'm not a dinosaur - I'm not a dinosaur.